Life, an irony, or both – Paa Kwesi Forson

Life; Light and airy like the rays during the day.

Dark and thunderous during the night could best describe the wave of emotions surfacing from within.

Behind closed curtains she would cry herself to sleep, she would finally allow for her suppressed feelings to surface:

Despair, longing, emptiness, loneliness…all meshed into one.

As she cried herself to sleep, past memories would flash through her mind like a film…

Disbelieve

Warnings she’d ignored from her friends and family, all the disbelieving looks she’d receive from her neighbors at the person she had become and all the whispers behind her back every time she would go out in public. None of it would get her down she convinced herself over and over. If only she knew…

Time passed by in a blur;

A day turned into days, days became a week, and a week became weeks, and weeks slowly morphed into months.

A single breath taken led to her confirming that she indeed was still in the land of the living.

Related: Who would you choose

Reminder

The only constant reminder that time did not await her was the growing ache in her lower abdomen and the emptiness that seemed to be her newest companion.

Her breath became their breath, her alone time became her most dreaded and what she considered her somewhat controllable rollercoaster of emotions became theirs.

Oh how wonderful it had been to be looked at with pure affection, if not for the gleam in the very same chocolate brown eyes that had stared back then the pupil dilating should have spoken volumes as she shared a very special moment that would forever be etched into her brain. She’d shared it with the one person she considered closer to her heart than anyone else.

The only girl

Oh how wonderful it had felt when the knowledge that she got looked at like the only girl, no scratch that…woman, in the entire world crossed her mind. The herd of elephants wreaking havoc in her stomach attested that it indeed was wonderful.

Everything felt surreal, like she was somewhat living in a dream land where her every dream had been realized. She had found herself someone who made her feel things that she had always been afraid of feeling for fear that they wouldn’t last. She finally discovered that her fears had led her to miss out or was she?

Related: The Vulnerability of Man

Reasons

There was only one reason she put up a front during the day and crumbled into pieces yet once again behind closed doors. There was only one reason she allowed for her suppressed feelings to surface and cry herself to sleep and that reason slept peacefully in the middle of her bed oblivious to everything happening.

Also: Matters of The Heart: My Love Psalm

Her world had come crumbling down and she was certain that nothing would ever be the same…not only did she learn that she would be responsible for another being but the one person she’d thought would love her no matter what had looked at her with such coldness that she stumbled a few steps from him when she had informed him of their product.

She somehow had to keep going and that was hard, so hard that she sometimes felt like she was drowning.