I wish to keep this Memoire D’amour (French) or Memory of love piece anonymous. Well, I am not sure I can handle the hits I will get by the time you are done reading. For now, let’s say I am not brave enough to ID myself.
So, let me tell you about my love life. The very first time I ever had a feeling or anything I could describe as love was sometime in September 2008. It was genuine, beautiful, and by far the best thing that ever happened to me (aside from Jesus). This lady happened to be my sister’s friend and the sister of a very good friend of mine. From time to time, I will visit the house and have conversations with this damsel and her younger siblings. At a point, I frequented their house so much that her parents liked me and all(allow me think so). On days I stayed late, which was the case most of the times, they would suggest I slept over. I never accepted that offer not because I couldn’t; I wasn’t sure how my parents were going to take it.
Related: My Love Life: Win Some, Lose Some
I spent nights unend on the phone with the Love of my life (this was the era of free-night calls). I visited her at least 3 times a week simply because I was in Love. Let me give you some background; we lived three hours apart and I didn’t have a car either, so I did troski. The times I loved the most anytime I visited was when she stood behind the curtain of the living room entrance, gazed at me and waited for me to catch a glimpse of her until coming in to welcome me.
The visits were also possible because she had finished SHS and had to stay at home for a year before she could continue. I, on the other hand, had started tertiary education in Accra then, so, it wasn’t too difficult to make time.
On one of my birthdays, aside from the gifts, she sent me the sweetest SMS (pre-Whatsapp era) I have ever received till today. I could clearly say this lady Loved me too.
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Fast forward, a year later she entered the university and I had mixed feelings. I was happy because she was going to start her dream career and scared because I had to now compete with Legon vultures who would devour any girl they were attracted to.
The first trouble was on her matriculation day; after the main ceremony was over and the food and drinking were over, I stayed around a little bit to share a few sweet words together. Foolish Boy, I was dreaming! In her room in one of the halls of residence, she looked at me sitting on her bed and said, “You will have to leave now because you will inconvenience my roommates”. Really? I said to myself, people who have other people with them are not comfortable because I was there? In pain and tears in my heart, I bad her farewell and walked away. So broken, so shattered I went to play FIFA to stay calm down and then went home.
Related: Confessions of A Girl in Love
I visited her from time to time. There were times I noticed I wasn’t welcome and there were times I was. This went on for about half a year. By the time she was in her second year, I just decided to strike. Ladies and gentlemen, I was bounced.
After a couple of months had passed, I tried my luck again and verily I say unto you, I was bounced again. I just gave up and minded my own business.
A year later I had the chance of meeting her with another gentleman I respect a lot. In fact, I consider him a mentor because he was way ahead of me in the industry.
I had heard rumours about a relationship between this mentor of mine and this pretty damsel I had been crying over. I took the courage and asked the colleen about the rumour and she denied. I, on countless occasions, saw incidents that looked like something was happening between them and still asked but she denied it.
What could I do at this point? Nothing but to move on with my life. So, I did; a year and a half later they got married. Just before they got married something nasty happened. The soon to be the husband of the lady messages me and requested for a meeting. I got to the venue in time, waited for him to arrive only for him to come late and with the damsel. If I knew she would be there I would have declined the request to meet him.
His reason for calling that meeting was simply because they heard I was spreading rumours that the damsel was my girlfriend and she broke up with me because of him, and so he had come to ask me to stop it. Hmmm! My night was just messed up. This simply was an allegation I could bet my head I never knew a thing about, but here I was with no advocate. I went home crying and cursing them that night. This ignited the anger and pain I had dealt during the days of pursuing her and been lied to time and time again. A few weeks later, they got married and I was certainly going to revenge on the wedding day but for God.
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Memory Of Love Lost
The following 4 years after this whole episode, my heart, mind and soul were closed to anything that sounded like a relationship. I barely even thought of a lady in light of relationship and marriage. I literally had my walls very high. I was strict and stern about my interactions with ladies. I would rather spend the time sleeping than interact with a lady lest I fall in love. I wouldn’t talk to any lady before 7 am or after 10 pm. It was that bad.
My heart was literally locked, and the keys were nowhere to be found. I spent the time healing, loving myself, discovering myself and finding purpose in life. I read so many books on relationships, marriage and family life. I attended conferences and seminars on the subject out of desperation for healing and peace. I read books, blogs, magazines and anything I could lay my hands on.
Related: True Story…I Tasted True Love
I went on lone dates in restaurants, cinemas and coffee shops, simply because I was learning to love myself. There were times where I met pretty damsels on my dates but left without even exchanging a smile.
By the 5th year after my plight, I knew so much to be a counsellor, so I thought. I had never been in a relationship, but I had friends who called me for help when they had relationship issues. Even though it was good, was that what I wanted? Was that the end I wanted?
Parents and Their Pressure
I was 27, never had a girlfriend and had never even introduced any female friend to my parents. So, the pressure started. I had gotten very comfortable with life. I had fallen in love with myself. I enjoyed my time alone and didn’t have anything like boredom. Accepting members of the opposite sex was going to take a lot more time to deal because I was happy with my single life.
Related: Love or Whatever…My Love Story
There were attempts to enter some relationships, but the talks collapsed halfway either because I lost interest, or the damsel didn’t think I was worth her time. Throughout these years my ideologies, perceptions and convictions have either been renewed, established or transformed. My idea of a wife has shrunk from a list of 15 items to 3 things.
Wise – Teachable – Dutiful, taking for granted that she would fear God. I have learnt to love others so much that I can’t stand the sight of anyone cry no matter what. In recent times, my attempt to show genuine love has earned me three words I wouldn’t even ascribe to myself; Amazing – Wonderful- Overwhelming.
Who Am I Now?
I am a full-grown man pursuing Christ daily, career and searching for……. delete that …searching for the woman of my dream. I turn 31 in a couple of months and I say I haven’t regretted the life I have lived in the last 10 years; if for nothing at all, I have kept my purity. If I had a hymen, I would say it’s intact. Of course, there were times where I touch ‘abominable’ things but was careful to not cross the line. I regret those days as it took me off course. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do but I believe it has transformed me into a man who sees beyond eyelashes and lipsticks.
One thing I desire; that I will find her one day and pour my heart and all for her. At this stage in my life, I simply want to love and be loved. I want to lay down my life for her and be her knight in shining armour. My daily prayer is for God to make me the man and father he wants me to be. Knowing the kind of training and upbringing I have gone through these years I can say without reasonable doubt I will be a great dad and husband.