Caution: This piece contains some adult stuff. Only 18 years and above please!
My life got effed up the very day Darwin slipped his hand into my pants and the affair started. Not actually correct! He didn’t do it in broad day light, it was in the night rather. Guys like Darwin were the reason our parents spelled out early in life not to be playing with boys; especially, naughty ones, but oh I enjoyed it!
Yes, Darwin slipped his hands into my pants and my life got ruined. I intentionally positioned myself for this though. I knew what I wanted so I went straight for it. There are days I blame myself for setting up the scene. There are days also that I look at my life and wonder if things would have turned out differently if I had stayed away from my addiction, Darwin.
Darwin and I are co-workers. Our employers allow dating within so it was not a big deal allowing him. Darwin was a few months into the job, I was an old staff so I knew what I wanted.
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The Obsession Begun
I don’t know why I had wanted him so badly to do this but I was up for mischief that night when I had pulled up the shorts without panties. Perhaps it was the thrill of not being caught together at the public place. We had gone out of the office on a team engagement assignment. About fifty of us were in the bus, I knew he was no longer interested in me because he had stuck with Ewura throughout the time at the beach; yet, I was so drawn to him. He should have been with me rather!
I still don’t know what made me attracted to him. Perhaps, the way he had talked to me earlier when we started off the trip. Darwin is nice as in real n-i-c-e. He is 25% mixed race, stands about 5.11ft, has a slanted nose and commands attention. I do not have a thing for fair guys but Darwin was an exception. So when we were returning from the trip, I told him I had saved a seat for him when he had stepped into the bus with Ewura. I felt like crap when he insisted he would sit by Ewura but Ewura declined. What was I after? Really?
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So, finally he sat by me. My shirt dress was just two inches below my butt. I had taken off my panty and had on a loose short after swimming. We cuddled together at the backseat of the bus. It felt so good and comfortable till he asked what I was wearing under.
For a guy that irresistible, I couldn’t believe my eyes till his hand had found its way to my core. It was so nice and oh mine, I could not believe it that I finally had him where I wanted. We had a colleague sitting on the same row as we touched. I was terrified at first but he was adamant and that added to the thrill, that he wanted me no matter what. Till now, I am yet to ask the dude what he saw us do. Maybe he saw nothing, maybe he saw everything.
The touch was ground breaking. Till Darwin touched me, I had been untouched at 29 years. I was a virgin and I do not even remember having wet dreams till then.
I couldn’t believe his hand would go all the way down but that was what I had wanted. Low key, I knew people do such stuff after a hang so I wanted to try. After he was done touching, he urged me to touch him. I couldn’t bring myself to touching him. The moral voice in my head warned me to run but the old stubborn me won.
It was strange. It felt strange but I guess that is what adulthood is about, making choices and trying out something new. My hands coiled around his hardened male part while I feel his shorts. The moment got hotter when he whispered, asking me what I think about his size. I swear I blushed. His hands moved into my pants again, feeling and touching places till the lights were put on and I had to alight.
I Blocked Him But…
When we had gotten home, I had felt repulsive at what I had done. I knew I was only being curious with him so I should explain to him that our “entanglement” meant nothing. Maybe there was not even the need to explain but I knew I had to do the needful; to sever communication ties with him, so I blocked him after he sent his first message asking me how I was doing.
Blocking Darwin was pure torture. Here I was, wanting him to finish what he had just started, yet unsure of how far I wanted to go with him. Whilst I was aching for more, my values were just jumping at me to do the right thing; so yes, I blocked him. Every day was pure torture as I would reminisce how he spoke to me; how gentle he was and how spoilt he was. He educated me in a corrupted way and I ended up liking it.
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So we met at work on Monday and I passed him by. I could see rage in his eyes. Truth was, I knew Darwin was out of reach. We were from two different worlds. I was the plain smart girl with no distinctive feature saved, a double-delicious sized cup and he was strikingly handsome. He was bad news and I knew I had to walk away. My smartness had attracted him but guys like him like more than smartness. I know they prefer a little bit of sassiness, elegance and overindulgence.
Somehow my defences broke down when he mentioned my name in rage. I stuttered. I did not know he would be so mad at me. After all, we did not do anything that intimate so why should he be mad? I was not even his choice!
Now the tension was becoming too much to bear. I wanted a clear head so I spoke to Pascal. Pascal is a male friend I could trust. He knew me inside out and he is not judgmental. Speaking to Pascal gave me a clear head.
He made me understand that I was in the wrong by blocking Darwin. I should have straightened everything out with him before bowing out. I knew Pascal was right but it seemed so crazy for him to understand that Darwin has become my intoxication, like a swirling sherry in a glass; irresistible. So, I made up my mind to go back and apologize; yes, I was walking back into trouble with loads of shame.
The heck, he was so mad! I did not understand why he was blowing everything out of proportion. He was mad I described what happened as a fling; but was it not a fling? Or maybe it did not qualify to be as such; that I am sure.
I could still see rage in his eyes as I apologized to him at the corridor. We were alone: I actually happened to meet him at the staircase. He was really bored. It looked scary as I read angry emotions in his eyes. He was really seething. He said I had treated him unfairly, but how was I suppose to know. I was not experienced in this lover-friend-boyfriend-girlfriend thingy.
He asked that we met over the weekend since we were on the weekend shift together with some few colleagues. I knew this was not going to end well but I couldn’t protest. I was in the wrong and I didn’t want to experience another fit of his rage. So he hugged me and grabbed my ass before going back to his work station. Like I said earlier, the thrill was in the fact that we risked being caught.
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It Got Intense…
Yes, we met during the weekend and as soon as I could say jack, my pants were on the floor and his hand was roaming down there; I guess that’s how people talk when they are really mad at each other. We were doing this at the office; can you imagine?
This time round, I could feel real sensation. Darwin seemed to be more pleased as I got “uncomfortable” with his touching. I was being aroused and it was a virgin territory to me. Then I knew I wanted more and that whatever happened in the bus was not a mistake, but we were in the office space and he was touching me at places where he had no business touching so I held back. I was flirting with the devil and it was not even funny again.
Darwin was content with what he had achieved, I was the more confused. This was not supposed to happen in any ways. He knew what he was doing but I wasn’t. I had to pull back to protect myself.
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He Kept Pushing
For once, I was confused. I used to be…forget about the past. I am just the plain girl nobody notices. Now here I was, hanging out with the coolest guy both men and women will be killing to have- that’s bad humor there! This never added up. I needed to run but as much as I hated it, I chickened out!
He was not done with me yet. The sexting – oops I meant to say texting – started. Yes, I told the dude that I needed a break but I guess, he knew I was so much into it than what I was showing. It seemed like the demons of lust have been unleashed after 29 years. I could be at work and find myself fantasizing about the demon of Darwin and it was not funny again. I knew I needed to act fast before I became so smitten. Whatever we had was undefined but my hormones were not in the known!
Then the teasing begun. We would be at work and then he will text and sext.
They say women blossom once they start getting love and attention. I do not know about the love bit but the attention bit was everything. Darwin would never call, he would rather text.
He was so naughty and funny and sometimes I could swear I blushed at his comments. He had a way to turn everything sensual. Even when I act mad, he had a way of calming my nerves.
We had our moments at work. Those crazy moments when he would spank me, hug me or squeeze my butts when nobody was watching. The first time he did that on the stairway, he almost gave me a heart attack.
Reading his texts made me crazier about him. Who would have thought that such a handsome guy was single? Then the alarm went off. It was strange for him to be single, but he said so the last time. He had no girlfriend because the girlfriend actually dumped him, but there was this lady he says he has been “talking to”.
“Nothing serious” he says. Not that I cared, because all I wanted was some fun, besides we were too opposite to be a “thing” so I only had to make sure I was not doing a married man; but, I also do not like doing somebody’s guy. It is a sisterhood thing so I told him to prompt me when he became serious with the girl he was talking to so I could walk away. I think I was being fair.
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The Same Work Shift
As if the world had conspired, we were most often put together on the weekend shift. There were days too when he would wait for me when he was done with his night shift so we could have our moment. He would dry hump me, fondle, caress, touch me and suck on my tits. There was this day I was so aroused. He had a condom but I could not bring myself to being de-virgined at the rest room. Every girl dreams of that day as a special day so I wanted it special. I asked Darwin why he had never taken me home since we had been at it for a couple of months.
I knew I had told him I wanted nothing serious but at least I deserved to be “taken” properly. He said his shift was always conflicting with mine. There were a couple of days I tried calling him at night but his lines were engaged. He usually called back after but I had no business asking him who he was talking at that unholy hour.
Lies Upon Lies
Darwin said he didn’t believe in love and he was never ready to marry. Should he want to marry, he will do it in five years’ time. Maybe that should have been a cue for me, added to the fact that he had not accepted the friend request I had sent him on Facebook. I remember also seeing him liberally with other ladies at work. My heart broke every time I saw him with Ewura or Mary or any of the girls, but we were not exclusive and nobody, apart from Pascal knew we were sort of “seeing” each other.
Things Fall Apart
Then there was the Vals Day when he used a girl’s picture on his whatsapp profile. I was damned worried, sad and angry, but he said the girl was someone who had been good to him once. Yeah, I was that naïve. Whatever was wrong with me!
Then I got the opportunity to be transferred to the headoffice, which was a 45-minute drive away from our office. Darwin was supportive. He encouraged me to go. You see Darwin, knew what to say at any point in time. He would never force anything on you. He never penetrated because I was unsure, and after the first time I refused him sex, he never pushed me. He said everything depended on me. So when I changed office, we became infrequent. We were sexting all right till he accepted my friend request on Facebook.
So I went on Darwin’s timeline only to see a lady’s comments and kisses all over Darwin’s wall. What was happening here? I checked his mother’s wall and I realized the lady was friends with Darwin. My heart sank when I saw the pictures. I sent him screenshots and he confessed the lady was his girlfriend. Really? When? He said that was the lady he had been “talking” with? Was the pact not that we were to walk away whenever any of us started going out? Why didn’t he inform me? He said the girl was outside the country, so when he had brought me that candies from his friend outside the country, it was actually from his girlfriend. That was a punch, right?
At this point, I was mad. I had confided in two or three of my friends at work about us and they advised I moved on. So I tried, but he went to my friends putting the blame on me. He said he wanted me to father him a daughter and everything on our “relationship” depended on me. Boy, I couldn’t resist him even though I knew he had a girlfriend. Maybe I was desperate for him to take away that ache at my core.
Still Stuck With Him
The sexting became intense. I kept on asking him when he would take me home but no sir, it was not meant to be. He was caring though. He would check on me morning and night and was ever ready to spend on me, but I never allowed him. On my lowest day, I would go to his Facebook page and stare at his girlfriend for long. She was really nice and I knew I never stood a chance with him.
Then there was this day I had to work late. I was so tired that I switched to Facebook. A new friend suggestion popped out with the girlfriend’s name bearing Darwin’s surname. It was a new account though. It was Darwin’s “supposed” girlfriend. They had been married for a while and they even had a daughter.
Everything made sense instantly. He had taken me for a ride. I was actually his biggest joke. I became an outright size 6 from 8. I had sleepless nights. Darwin said he never believed in love but he was throwing kisses under their pictures and he even called her “my love”. He was a married man that was why he never took me home. I was devastated. So I told him my mind’s piece, then he blocked me. I was so mad!
Apparently, one of my girlfriends knew he was married, but wanted me to have a little bit of fun. Really?
Distorted Affair Ampa
I don’t know how it happened but I went back begging. He was so furious. He was like, “we never had sex but see how far you went? I don’t trust you again. It’s going to take a long time for you to regain my trust.” Yeah, I know it sounded stupid but I wanted him back even after I had realized that he was a married man. So we got together again when he swore he was not married and the daughter was not his, but I know it was a blatant lie. His wife cannot be a psycho to set up that page!
After we got back together, the sexting became intense. I would send him nudes and sometimes he will demand for them.
He said he didn’t want me to date other guys and he would want to be the guy to penetrate me for the first time. I have tried severally to break up with him but I keep crawling back to him. Currently, I don’t try vocalizing it again because it makes me very vulnerable to him.
The Affair Ended But…
It has been three years since we were last intimate but I still cannot walk away from that married man. I know he has been muting my status and blocking me from viewing his status, but once a month or twice in a month, he would show up asking me how I have been. Whenever he wants a bit of adventure, he would set up his WhatsApp settings to visibility so I know he has been viewing my statuses. After that, I know he will demand a nude or sext with me.
It has been five freaking years with this trouble and I have never ever felt like having a relationship with any other guy because none compares to him. I know I am making the biggest mistake of my life but it is like my will has been taken from me. I always tell myself it is over, but just a word from him gets me running back to him. Perhaps, this is my karma for all the good guys I browned.
May God deliver me!