I’ve forgotten where exactly I heard or read about ‘Being married equals completeness’. From all I have seen and read during my short stay on earth, I have a different opinion. My quill is floating with stories and scenarios. Maybe it’s time we rethink. Just maybe.
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For the avoidance of doubt, I am neither a feminist, nor a gang leader for women against marrying. I am no marriage counselor too. I am simply a budding woman concerned about how society has tainted marriage. Speaking of society, let me tell you a story about how my circle of friends; they practically have made me hate marriage; no, cancel ‘hate’.
Having five female friends who are married can be really a burden at times. They seize every opportunity under the sun to flaunt their rings, talk about honeymoon experiences, their husbands and a whole lot. They do this just to get some of us to follow suit. I think that stunt is outmoded, pretty annoying, and very rude, if not crude; can I get a witness?
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The Genesis of the Marriage Confusion
Let’s get to the weightier matters. Shall we?
Which part of the Bible self (pardon my pidgin addiction) exhorts all to marry? I have searched, combed and read the Holy Bible for that answer and I still don’t have it. Maybe when I get the answer, I may reconsider and rush into marriage as well; pardon my French: I meant enter into marriage.
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As a rule of thumb in most parts of Ghana, every growing youth is expected to get married around ages 23-29. Some people even think 29 is too late for a lady in particular. After 29, they become laughing stocks if you ain’t wearing two gold or diamond rings on their ring finger. What a fallacy!
Ladies who find themselves not married within these ages, get depressed. Others are made to believe or associate this situation to some spiritual attack. I’m not saying some of them can’t be spiritual. It’s very plausible.
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It’s irritating when you go for prayer meetings to meet young and beautiful ladies there solely because they want husbands. Some are not even working but are aggressively looking for husbands because they think they are aging. How do I know this? I have my ways….
I saw one funny scene at church one Friday night. We were led to pray for our church and a lady standing not too far from me was reluctant to pray. When the prayer topic was changed to marriage p3, you should see how this same lady quickly knelt and started some serious prayers. I giggled and shook my head.
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The Fulfillment Bit
There’s too much pressure on people to get married nowadays. In the process, a lot of marriages are taking place with no love and proper preparations.
See, most of these married women and men are not fulfilled in life. Many succumb to pressures from family, friends and even strangers and end up in marriages that shouldn’t have been theirs. In this part of the world, our mothers especially, start to mount pressure on us to hurry and leave their houses to our husbands’.
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- Women are being maltreated in their own homes because of some unlucky hands they’ve fallen into.
- Some married men aren’t intimate with their spouses and hence enjoy outings than the comfort of their homes. Waaaaa look at this.
- There are a lot of people who are serving God and doing well in life. Should they lose sleep because they aren’t ready to marry or want to wait small?
- Many people are together and yet separated or divorced in their minds and hearts.
- Mind you, true love, total trust and conviction should lead you decide to go on the journey of marriage with anyone you meet.
- A lot of singles today are achieving great things and living a fulfilled life. On the flip side, some married women are being enslaved to leave their jobs just to please some husbands they have. (I recommend ‘Rosemary’s fight’ a Nigerian movie for us all to watch and see what some married women go through).
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My advice to all, especially our pretty ladies out there is that, marriage does not make you complete. I repeat, marriage does not make you complete. After all, it’s two complete and complex people who come together to make one flesh. The below should guide you.
- Never marry because you are lonely; fall in love and marry because you are ready.
- No one should talk you down or force you into marriage just because it’s good in the eyes of society. The same society will broadcast your divorce when it happens.
- Go into marriage when the person is the true definition of your match for life; your soul’s mate. Someone who just adds more to complete you; not someone who tries to change you or makes you forsake all your dreams just for the title of a Mister or a Mrs.
- You are better off sleeping alone than sharing your life and bed with a habitual flirt.
- We should encourage those who ain’t married yet to strike for excellence even in their singleness. Let’s get the basics right first.
- When you tend to your garden diligently, you will reap the fruits.
- If you cannot show your love for someone, your words do not mean a thing.
- If you’re meant to marry, it shall be. The reverse is true.
Note to Self: When I grow up, I will write about what the hell people mean by ‘completeness’ and ‘fulfillment’. Dictionary writers, ayekooooo.
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By: Aba Oduma Asiedu
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