First Divorce Letter:
My dear husband,
I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you. I’ve been a good wife to you for the last 20 years and I have nothing to show for it. The last two weeks has been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today, which was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn’t notice I had a new hairstyle. I had cooked your favourite meal and even worn a brand-new nightie. You ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Don’t try to find me. Your brother and I are moving to Kumasi together.
Have a great life!
Reply: Second Divorce Letter
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you and I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and bitching. Too bad that doesn’t work anymore.
The Little Things Matter
I did notice when you got a hairdo last week. But the first thing that came to mind was ‘You look like a boy!’ Since my father raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment… And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have got me confused with my brother because I haven’t eaten prawns for 7 years.
And the new nightie: I turned away from you because the GHS 299.99 price tag was still on it, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed GHS 350 from me this morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I won the GHS 20 million lotto on Saturday, I left my job and bought two tickets for us to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a cent from me.
So take care.
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell and Free!
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