Ghana’s Top Ten Hot News


News 1: Most Influential Businessman of The Year

News making rounds is that something big happened in Ghana last month. Did you hear about the ceremony to crown Personalities, Media outlets, graphic designers, etc.? Well, we were present at the ceremony. Enjoy our tight rating in order of significance.

The grand prize went to Ghana’s celebrated businessmen/consultant with international recognition. He is one of the least known faces in Ghana, whose name is familiar to every ear. He goes by the name Alfred Agbesi Woyome and he was adjudged the Most Influential Businessman. Mr Woyome won based on the following convincing points.

Mr. Woyome was at the centre of the GH¢51.2 million judgment debt scandal under the Prof. Attah Mills administration. This scandal forced Martin Amidu and Mrs. Betty Mould Iddrisu (both former Attorney Generals) to resign .

Mr. Woyome is one of the few Ghanaians to wield so much leverage that editors don’t mind using. You can find his stories on the front page of newspapers & on discussion programmes locally and internationally.

Did you know there is a new Gargantuan Dictionary, a Woyome track, dance step, ringtone and caller tunes in his honour?

A famous movie production company is currently producing a TV serial—Gargantuan Woyome— to air on nationwide TV. Well, the series will be premiered soonest at the forecourt of the Fast track High court in Accra. For advanced tickets, call my producers asap…

The icing on the cake; check out the new bank note designed by a subsidiary company belonging to the Woyome Group.

News 2: Is Dr. Nduom Also Among The Prophets?

On the eve of Ghana’s 55th Independence Day celebrations, Dr. Paa Kwesi Nduom (PPP) sent his goodwill message to Ghanaians. He promised to “stop the torturing school children on Independence Day when he becomes President”. “We have turned our school children and their teachers to march and march… This must stop”.

Dr. Nduom’s fear materialized when Ghanaians received word after the parade that over 130 pupils students collapsed at five parade centres—Koforidua (51), Ashaiman (50), Cape Coast (23), Tamale (13), and Nsawam (4)— nationwide.

We contacted Dr. Nduom to get his response on the news on the doom. All he could say was “o-y-ewa” (‘I Told You So’). Coming to a Cinema near you.

News 3: What’s In A Name

One of Ghana’s prominent highlife musicians (with almost 30 albums to his credit), a philanthropist, a family man and a strong hunger advocate, Abrantie Dan Amakye Dede, has been recently appointed as an Ambassador and hunger advocate by the Alliance against Hunger and Malnutrition (AAHM) of the United Nations in Ghana.

Another gentleman, a 22-year old Ghanaian international footballer who plays for French club Marseille, caught my attention on this day. He was called to the senior National team side when the technical guys thought he proved himself when he captained the under-20 team that won both the 2009 African Youth Championship and the 2009 FIFA U-20 World Cup. And I know many football critics thought the chap was too young and inexperienced to play for the senior side. However, my respect for the young chap—André Morgan Rami Dede Ayew—became much stronger in December 16, 2011, when he was named as the BBC’s African Footballer of Year.

At this point, allow me to connect the dots for you—my dear reader. The success rate of the two gentlemen in their respective fields of endeavours is no accident; the two are part of the few Ghanaian MEN who respond to the name DEDE. Historically, the name is given to the first daughter of a Ga/Adangme family.

So any time you have plans of raising a star in your family, please consider adopting a female name for a male born and vice versa.

News 4: Afro Moses vs Gladiator Sandals

Dr. Ephraim Amu (a composer), and Tetteh Quarshie (Ghana’s first cocoa farmer) contributed to the socio-economic development of Ghana. They believed in the african identity and therefore wore the afro Moses sandals faithfully.

Self-preservation and self-awareness are the perfect reasons why the elite and ‘abrofosem’ refuse to patronize Afro Moses sandals. Have you noticed that it is shoe-shine boys and truck pushers who wear AFRO MOSES sandals most? The rejection of the afro Moses brand best explains why the “Gladiator” sandal has caught on well in town.

But what people do not realize is that the Afro Moses and the gladiator sandals are one and the same thing in concept and design. It was this same Afro Moses/Gladiator sandals that Moses wore at the site of the burning bush. God instructed, “Moses, Moses, remove your sandals for the grounds you are standing is Holy grounds”.

Boss, close your mind and shine your eyes for the value is the same.

Dare to be different. HEHEHE

News 5: Vehicle Inscription

Anytime I walk through town, I notice interesting car inscriptions that inspire, makes me laugh, or puts me off. The funny trotro inscriptions include “monkey no fine”, “skin pain”, “Psalm 23”. My personal favourite is “dzi wo fie asem” (legalized by President Agya Attah).

But when I chance upon this vehicle with it nice grammatical detail, I just smiled.

Check this out…

News 6: Electrition & Battle Charger

Once upon a time, Mr. Kofi Aaron built an electrical shop and decided to put up a signboard.

For the error, I don’t know whether to blame the shop owner, or the graphic.

Brofo y3 dru (english be gigantic). lol

News 7: Look And Say

From options lettered A-E, choose the option that best fits:

Question 1.
How would you describe the conduct of the woman in the picture below?

(a) Child abuse

(b) Corporal punishment

(c) Wickedness in High Places

(d) Anal rape

(e) the tradition goes on

News 8: No comment

But please promise me you will not laugh plenty.

News 9: Iron Sharpens Iron Conference

Boyfriend (BF) starts touching his girlfriend (GF).

GF: “Hey baby the bible speaks against fornication. Acccording to 1 Corinthians 6:19, “our body is the temple of God.”

The guy starts jumping happily, remove his shorts, and smiling soo wide.

GF: “H-ey baby what are u doing and why are you soo happy?”

BF: “I was glad when He said to me, let us go into the house of the Lord!!!” (Psalm 122:1). lol

News 10: Inflation Palaver

I hear politicians, economists and commentators chanting digits about a single-digit inflation as against the rate at which prices of goods and services soar higher.

But how would you explain single-digit inflation to your 85 year-old grandmother. Or your unschooled uncle selling obroni wewu on the sunny streets of Kantamanto?

And again, who even made Ghana a Middle Income State?

As3m s3b3.

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