Men, Sex And Abstinence

Posted on March 29, 2018

So last night, my girls and I had mad fun discussing a hearty matter on men, abstinence, and marriage. Some things I read made me rethink the whole notion of dating, relationship, marriage, sex and abstinence.

People agree to stay off sex until they are married yet one party cheats.

It’s scary to even mention anywhere that you’re a virgin. Regrettably, the ones who haven’t been chaste are rather feeling cool they know ‘WhatsApp’.

Nowadays, men don’t necessarily have to force a woman to have sex with them. If you are not having sex with them, someone is willing to do it with them. Abstinence has been thrown to the dogs.

Sex is the way men give love and women prove they’re in love.

It gets more complicated….

Men and Their Insecurities

Men are men. They fear nothing, don’t cry, and never fall in love (prepaid heart and partitioned hearts mentality). Men don’t fear losing women because there is always another to replace. These are the biggest lies ever! As much as men portray themselves as supermen, they have fears and humongous insecurities. Don’t chew me just yet.

Related: Why Marry

Sometimes men tend to fear that if they take too long in ‘marking’ or ‘eating’ what’s theirs, someone will come from somewhere and take it away so they’ll just beat them to it. Too childish a reason to deceive someone’s daughter, niece, auntie or future wife. If I continue with this revelation, boys go bore. Lemme move to my next point.

I once read that men do suffer when there’s a breakup; hardly—they just hide it better. When a man isn’t ready to marry anytime soon yet he wants to keep a woman around, you start asking where the relationship is going. Men strive to have that intimacy and keep them around; riding on the notion that the sex chemistry solidifies the relationship.

Men, again attach so much importance to their sexual capabilities and functionalities. How well they perform does so much for their egos that not ‘testing the waters’ can seriously fuel their insecurities. These doubts can go a long way to affect a relationship. Simply, men just feel they need to get busy under the sheets.

My thoughts: No matter what you do, if you can perform you will perform. It’s like fearing you can’t eat jollof so you eat plain rice with stew to put your fears to rest. It wouldn’t work, would it?

Related: My First Crush….. Guess Who

Curiosity

As human as we are, we all can bear witness to the strong pull of the unknown. Knowing there is a distin somewhere yet you can’t investigate it for yourself can drive you crazy. It pretty much explains men. Considering the fact that men, by nature, are more daring and courageous than women demystifies the whole curiosity factor. They want to know or experience something and are daring enough to go after it damning the consequences.

A Nagging Partner

Let’s get one thing straight first; that thing dey bore! Aunties and sisters please I beg on behalf of the men, make you shun the nagging. It’s a major turn off. Trust me if you want your man to do something, talking the globe upside down won’t do the trick. How about you exercise your legitimate rights as his partner? Do something new and fun then play with his facial hairs and ask very sweetly for anything you want. Even if you asked for Flagstaff House (sorry, Jubilee House) you will have it signed, sealed and delivered.

However, I won’t fail to address the fact that a nagging partner is no excuse or basis to cheat. Instead find a new way to impress.

Bets and Peer Pressure Over Sex

As silly as it is, men actually put their whole lives and hustle into jeopardy for something that would collapse after orgasm. Be it bragging rights to smoothen their egos, men just need to prove a point. The need to show and to prove is a very deep rooted one in men. So strong is this need that men are tempted and willing to break societal values just to show that they can function.

I believe a wide range of issues is what influences men to taste the forbidden fruit before they are allowed to. Good news! Something can always be avoided if there is enough will and enough knowledge to say no.

Related: I Found A Wife At The Brothel

Society

Society is ever changing (looking back on human history). You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to notice that society has seen some really drastic changes. In the olden days, woe unto you if you did the naughty before getting married. I used to hear stories of how people were banished from their tribes for having premarital sex. Women were stigmatized if they didn’t bleed when they got married; this is a completely different issue we will address later.

So what changed? Some attributed it to civilization and others to how we blindly copy Westerners. Either way, society does play a part in this. Society may not necessarily encourage it but it sure does allow.

Let’s be real; we all have heard people say men are ‘visual’ men are this and that. We as a people are supposed to be the custodians of our societal values. If we justify happenings that go contrary to our values, are we all not guilty? But hey, that’s not the end of the world; we can always chart a new path and be more firm especially when dealing with younger ones; when their generation starts reigning, the problem would be at its minimum. There! Problem solved.