Once upon a time, I suffered relationship experience with church boys. My first was filled with so many issues and they came in levels. Plus every level was worse than the former, just like the plagues the Egyptians suffered at the hands of God. And the second, a whole drama in its own league.
Look I’m not even exaggerating; I mean every word of it; just wait till I tell you all about it. You may even suggest better ways to describe them!
Church Boys… Number 1 (Uni Days)
I joined this fellowship on campus and there was this guy who liked me; one fair and nice looking guy. After he had expressed interest in me, we had to tell the pastor of the fellowship who told us to pray into it. Now, this my pastor was a ‘spiritus’ type and this my fair guy, one of his associate pastors. Men and brethren, the day I said yes, my life changed!
Church- guy- junior -pastor was caring, sweet and all. But with time, I found out that he was overbearing, and extremely possessive. He said if I had no class, I had no business being on campus. He would be on campus, waiting for me to close from class so we leave together. There was no chance to socialize with my colleagues. We had to do things and go places together—church, events, anything. If he did not like hanging out at some place, I could not go there too. I simply did not have the right to go out alone!
On a normal day, I dislike being controlled. Yet I thought: ‘behold the man of God, I can’t treat him anyhow.’ He would even pick my phone and go through my text messages (pre-WhatsApp era) and call log. It was like I had sold my freedom to him. This was at the beginning stages, and things were already out of hand.
Then he had issues with a study mate of mine-a guy who was also a very good friend. If my study mate called and my pastor-boyfriend was around, trouble! He just disliked the idea of me being friends with him or anyone else. We were always having fights because of that.
The irrational behaviors
I lived off campus so I had enough privacy with my boo when he came visiting. Each time he visited, I had to plead with him and even ‘push him out’. It happened so many times that it became the norm. He would stay till as late as 12 midnight all in the name of ‘I want to be with you.’ Even after he left my place, he will call and be on the phone in never-ending conversations. I would complain and complain but he will not listen.
On days that I had to wake up early to wash my clothes, I will hear him at the house gate calling for me to let him in. This was as early as 5:00 am! Who does that? I didn’t want to experience more of that.
Related: Memoire D’amour (Memory Of Love)
Alas a straw broke the camel’s back!
Then another time at about 11:00pm, I was once again at it, pleading with him to leave. Later when he finally agreed to go, I escorted him and made my way back home. I had taken a few steps when I heard someone mention my name. I turned and it was him. He had actually followed me back. Boy! You must be kidding me!
I told him to go as he was embarrassing me yet he stubbornly followed. Close to my house was this huge gutter. That was where pastor chose to kneel down to beg that he wanted to spend the night with me.
That did it, people. I snapped (literally) and pushed him; I pushed him real hard! Fortunately, he did not fall into the gutter. If he had and had not woken up, I would probably be serving a jail sentence. Thank God.
That night I decided it was over, I had had enough of him. Yet, I no longer knew how to show this guy the way out of my life. He wouldn’t listen anytime I asked for out. People, I resorted to prayers! Yes I prayed a man of God out of my life. The irony!
Children of God, I woke up one day and that was it—the pastor was no more a part of my life.
Related: The Best Divorce Letter
O C’mon, this is the part where you say Praise the Lord!
I forgot to mention one experience I will never forget.
There is more. My pastor guy liked sex too. He demanded for sex all the time, and it really felt crazy; one of the reasons I was looking at dating a church guy was because I wanted a relationship void of sex! Apart from him, I have met many other church guys and pastors who wanted sex. They will even ‘garnish’ the act with quotes from the scriptures. After having his way with me, my pastor guy for one will be on the pulpit the next moment acting all normal; while all the time, I will be feeling the guilt.
Related: My Mother And Her Secret Lover
Church Boys… Number 2 (After Uni)
One would have thought that at this rate, I will give up on church boys. My eyes and heart weren’t allowing me o. The next guy I befriended after university was also from my church. I didn’t even realize when I gave in.
Church boy No 2 was liked by all and seen as someone without spot or blemish. He was like a big brother to me and so when he asked me to be his girlfriend I didn’t think twice. I knew I was in safe hands.
I was taking care of him and his family. Even went as far as paying his fees and buying clothes for him. There were times his family’s dinner was on me. O yes, you heard me right. Meanwhile, I wasn’t his wife yet.
I saw someone different from that church boy all parents wanted their children to be like. He wasn’t the angel I knew then. Number 2 had all that good side but I realized he was mean and controlling in so many ways. He could shout on his biological mum and I would tremble with fear. I got to know later that he had slept with most of the ladies in the church. Hmmmmm!
Truth be told, no one was ever going to believe me if I reported him. He was the kind of guy every parent would ask their child to look up to. He was used as an example even by the pastor. So, tell me, who would believe me if I ever reported him?
I didn’t like the idea of breakup so I was determined to make the relationship work.
Once he asked me for a loan to pay his rent. But when the time was due for him to pay back, he asked me to produce a document that proved he took any money from me. SMH!!! That money was meant for my ACCA registration. Hmmm, things we do for love.
On Christmas or Easter, he would expect me to buy clothes and food items for his mum in the name of securing my future daughter-in-law position.
The bitter part was, he had started seeing another lady in the same church. She was from a very wealthy home than I was and gave him more financial support than I could. Imagine!
After two and a half years, I realised it was time to move on. So I did and I never regret it.
After the breakup I left the church, promising to never date a guy I attend the same church with.
Related: Love: Feels So Wrong
Conclusion of my experience
Based on my experience, I have a few closing remarks: For all those church boys who profess morals and godly values but have no respect for women. Church boys whose drive for sex surpasses that of dogs. Watch out!
Growing up, I really wanted to marry a pastor and my reason was simple. I have always seen them as people who have to deal with a lot. You know, having a church meant managing the flock etc. The pressures that come with it all makes having a confidante, a necessity. The one he could always confide in, the one who will always give him peace. But after a number of encounters, all that desire is gone.
Now, I do not care what caliber of Pastor any of them may claim to be; I will not give in. What I may however consider is when I have married one sweet guy and later in life he decides to be a pastor. Sorry, God ‘calls’ him. Even with that I will have some fears. Unless God convinces me that He will have him do that, and that I should stand by him.
Marrying a pastor is not my thing. NO. NOT ANYMORE and honestly, I can’t thank God enough for freeing me from them.
Related: Who would you choose?