I am one of those who like saying “Which cinema, tweakai I will download the movie and watch at home”. The movie is 3x nicer when you are watching in just your boxers. You get to scratch as and when. And you can make the copcorn like one bucket full, nobody cares. Yeah, I call it copcorn; it tastes better when you call it that. Extratorrent, kat.cr, Piratesbay etc. are the route to this virtual heaven of mine. Call it illegal or bootlegged but I just hate going to the movies. Simple.
When you see me at the movies, it means the person seated next to me probably dragged me along. If you ever saw me seated next to a guy then I went there alone; I don’t want to be sharing any sentimental scene with a bro.
So I saw the awesome trailer Fast and Furious 8 and decided I wasn’t gonna see it at the cinema. Three days ago, I saw a leaked HD version of the movie and started the download journey. Every 30 minutes, I checked the downloader for progress. Coincidentally, my Internet speed always decides to be at its slowest when I need it the most. But I serve a living God who has bestowed patience into my heart. Because my faith is bigger than a mustard seed I know that no matter what the download will be done.
In the course of waiting, I bought copcorn, Coke one litre and waited patiently. I envisioned how I was gonna change into my blue and white polka dot boxer shorts and lay on my bed. In my mind, I saw myself pouring the coke and tossing the copcorn into my mouth one at a time. I just couldn’t wait for the download to finish.
The download was done fifteen minutes later. I went to the kitchen to grab the coke, and the golden looking copcorn . I went to the room and opened the drawer to take out the blue and white polka dot boxer… It was nowhere to be found. I then remembered I left it on the dry line. Shit. The afternoon’ drizzle might have given it a slight beating. I decided to settle for the ayigbe yellow one . That boxer too ain’t bad. It’s just that yellow boxers are just awkward.
I copied the movie unto a flash drive, gallantly walked to my TV and grabbed the remote. As I positioned myself to start the movie, the copcorn almost spilled. I balanced myself and firmed my grip real quick. “The devil is a liar”, I said.
The movie started. It was so crisp and clear. Ewuradenyankopon, adier na 3y3 f3 sei. The moment they started talking naah the mechanic said to Vin Diseal, “El Dominico el auto breakdowno”… My face changed, I turned to the subtitles for hope and it was all in Spanish and Korean… I forwarded the movie hoping what I just watched was a Mexican setting and that the movie was in English. The ‘Rock’ too came, “Si Senior, fuego excellento excellento”.
Charley, Charley stop reading wai, the whole thing was in Spanish. Na Spain fo so y3 Khumkum Bagyha? Ahh I don’t even know what to do with the copcorn again… Mtchewww