Humour

30 Memorable Mugabe Quotes

Mugabe quotes

We all love Mugabe quotes for obvious reasons. The quotes are witty, sarcastic and hilarious, especially the ones on relationship matters. There is never a dull day with Robert Mugabe (social media would have us believe).

Let’s read some of the finest quotes attributed to Mugabe.

1. They say milk gives strength. I have drunk 4 cups of milk and I was not even able to move a wall. But when I drank 4 bottles of beer, I saw walls moving all by themselves. Hmmm, these scientists should stop their lies!

2. The festive season is upon us; accidents take seconds to happen but suffering lasts a life time. Helmets and Condoms should be worn on appropriate heads during the respective rides; especially on vehicles that don’t belong to you.

Mugabe Quotes for Women

3. MARY was a virgin and she married a carpenter (JOSEPH). YOU are not a virgin and you are waiting for a billionaire to marry you.

4. Some girls are funny; they will tell the guy that “It’s over between us”. “When the guy says “Okay”, she will be like “Just Like That?” What were you expecting? “Closing Ceremony?”

5. You need at least 1 witness to prove a murder case & a minimum of 2 witnesses to register a marriage. It clarifies which one is more dangerous.

6. Church sisters be refusing Church brothers saying “No you are my brother”. For your own info: Even your mother and father are brother and sister in Christ.

7. Respect pregnant women because it’s not easy walking around with evidence that you’ve had sex.

8. A girl can be 21 with 2 kids while another one can be 18 with 3 abortions. But society will judge the 21 year old simply because her decisions are visible.

9. Ladies now feel shy to breast feed babies. But feel no remorse to display their breast outside in the name of fashion just to attract men. My sister, breast was designed to feed hungry babies not for pageant parade.

10. Dear ladies, the silence you keep when you find money in your husband’s pockets during laundry. Kindly do same when you find condoms.

11. Help a girl when she is in trouble and she will surely remember you when she is in trouble again!

 

Mugabe Quotes For Men

12. Dating a slim/ slender guy is cool. The only problem is when you are lying on his chest then his ribs draw Adidas lines on your face.

13. If a guy dumps or breaks your heart, take his phone and leave. Call his Mother and tell her the guy is dead. Tell her you’re actually calling from the accident scene, then switch off that phone. You cannot be crying alone. She must also feel the pain for not raising him well.

14. A woman that loves you will stick with you no matter how much a player you are. And that “woman” is your mother.

15. Men can be heartless; they will use you, Use your body, Damage your reputation then marry a beautiful wife; become born again & use you as a testimony in church. That’s when you know the devil lives among us.

16. Only a black man will have unprotected sex with a girl he just met then get in his car and put on a safety belt; like he didn’t try to kill himself (unprotected sex) a minute ago!

17. Most men cheat with their wedding ring on their finger. And you think your boyfriend won’t cheat coz YOU’RE his profile picture??

18. Male teachers are my friends and I feel for women who are married to them. Instead of finding money in their pocket when washing, they find Chalk or list of noise makers.

 

General Mugabe Quotes

19. Interviewer: Mr President, when are we bidding the people of Zimbabbwe farewell?
Robert (Mugabe Quotes): Where are they going?

20. Journalist: Sir, don’t you think 89 years would be a great time to retire as a President?
Robert (Mugabe Quotes): Have you ever asked the Queen this question or is it just for African leaders?

21. The only warning Africans take serious is LOW BATTERY.

22. The way relationships don’t last these days. It’s even safe to celebrate a one week anniversary.

23. If you have attended 200 weddings and u are still single u are not different from a canopy.

24. OUR EYES are in the front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back.

25. Someone who unplugs your phone charging at 3% to plug his at 97% is capable of killing you

26. We don’t mind having sanctions banning us from Europe. We are not Europeans.

27. I am an educationist. I’m an economist. I am a politician. I am also now a good storyteller, you know?

28. “Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end.”

29. If u are ugly, u are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty coz men don’t walk with X – Rays to see inner beauty.

30. Treat every part of your towel nicely. Because the part that will wipe your buttocks today can be the part that will wipe your face tomorrow.

 

The legendary Robert Mugabe is not an ordinary man at all. He used to be Africa’s ‘oldest’ President in age and tenure in office.

Which of these is your most memorable Mugabe quotes?

 

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