Let’s take note!
When we get into a relationship or commitment with someone, of course we all hope to grow a bond strong enough to get them as far as marriage. However, often times, people tend to forget that marriage is not just about having a connection or having strong feelings for each other. Let me break it down.
No matter how perfect two people may look, there will always be some disagreements and opposing opinions. There is no part of the Bible that says people with five or more differences cannot be together; hence, it is totally okay if you and your partner disagree on a thousand things in the course of the commitment. With the right communication, you can make it all work out.
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There are basic things that people do not make a priority to know about each other and some of these things can easily break a beautiful relationship or marriage. Therefore, as you go through dating, courtship and all of the stages that come before finally being joined as one in the presence of God or the law, here are some questions or discussions that you must have with your partner.
“Must have” conversations…
Ask each other, “what are your short, medium and long-term goals in life? What experiences of other married couples would you like in your life? Do you plan on having children? If so, how many and if not, why? If we decide to have children and find out that we’re unable to, what will be our next option? Are there any sexual preferences, anxieties or no-go areas that you would like to discuss?
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Have you been physically or sexually abused in your past? Do you have a child or children from your prior relationship? Is there any family history of health-related issues you would like to discuss? Have you ever been unfaithful? How do you feel about fidelity? How much involvement do you want our families to have in our marriage?”
You should also be clear on what religion or denomination you would like to subscribe to in raising your children, how to manage personal finances after marriage, whether either of you have ever been in debt, why it happened and how you plan on getting out of it. How much would you like to spend on your marriage ceremony, what is the most effective way you can help each other calm down when angry, does either of you have any criminal history, how will you manage your use of social media?
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Do you know what your partner’s thoughts are on exercising, nutrition and mental health? What kind of profession would he or she like to have in the future and price is he or she willing to pay in order to achieve that goal? Another very important discussion that couples fail to have is the issue of where they would be living after marriage and how convenient it will be for both parties.
Related: Why I’m Still Unmarried
Nine out of ten people avoid having these conversations because they are afraid that they could lose the person when they realize that there’s so much that they disagree on. However, remember that having differences does not mean you two cannot be together and also, if after having these discussions, you both cannot figure out a way to make things work, would it not be better to end it at the early stage rather than go all the way till marriage?
By: Maureen Dedei Quaye
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