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My Father Wasn’t The Best Dad Ever

Best dad

My father wasn’t the best dad but today I wish I had just a picture of him so I could display it on my wall. But no sir, I don’t have any and I have never had any of him since  I was born. If there had been an old one, I would have scanned it and put it on my wall despite its condition Ha! I remember. There was a picture of him and my mum taken on my mother’s 25th birthday, 35 years ago. He featured in the group of pictures. There was a particular picture I kept in my wallet of the two but I later on threw it away when a friend pointed out that my father was smoking cigarette.

My father wasn’t the best dad ever. He had faults, lots of them and they were unforgivable. But he was perfect in only one aspect, education. For that, I am eternally grateful.

My dad’s sins were not that much but they nearly destroyed me. He was a polygamist who was never there when I needed him. My dad was with his family. I never wanted much, all I needed was for him to pop up once in a month, ask how we were doing, give my mum our upkeep money and ask us a couple of questions to show he truly cares and then vanish. But he was most often gone. He gave my mummy heartaches while my sister searched within to find that fatherly figure. Whilst he was a ghost to me, he was that perfect father to my step-siblings and they even called him “daddy”. How I wished my father could have been more. How I wished he could have treated us that same way he treated his “boys”.

Today, I saw a picture of Tonto Dikeh repping as a man in “his” son’s school during their fathers’ day program. Immediately, I recognized my mother. Maybe it would have been very plain if my mother had also donned on a caftan because that was what she did almost all the time.

So today is fathers’ day and we are celebrating fathers. I salute my late father for giving me an education, although I wish he had been more.

This write-up is useless if I am writing it to my dad. I am writing it to the men on this platform so they do their part as fathers. Even when you are separated from the ‘mum’, the child remains yours so you must fulfill your responsibilities; even the whore’s bastard deserves love because he was sired. Let’s man up and accept responsibilities. Men, try and keep your family safe, intact and whole; possibly.

Of what use is there if your children curse you because you do not measure up? Why would you want your children to change their names to another man’s when you can choose not to be selfish.

When I was little, I used to admire men who would pick their children up from school and who were always together with their wives and kids. I also pitied those women whose husbands had neglected them because they had been sired sons elsewhere. It is a new era and we expect men to pay the bills, school their children, mentor and love their children more. We expect our fathers to be involved in our every day life.

The children just barged in for our Good News Club. I have sacked them to go back home and spend time with their fathers. I know some will cry their eyes off to bed because their fathers are not there, or don’t qualify for best dad.

Let our generation be different. May it be said of us that we were valiant fathers. Let our children cry in years to come when they hear Vandross’ song play. Happy fathers’ day to all women playing dual roles.  Happy fathers’ day to uncles playing the fatherly figure, and fathers who have female children but have not sired other children elsewhere. Blissful happy fathers’ day to those fathers’ who are separated from the mums but are fathers to their children. Happy fathers’ day to potential fathers and finally happy fathers’ day to those fathers who are “Daddies” to their children.

Heck, some of the children are back. Their fathers are not there. I need to go. Xoxo

 

A Best Dad Story By: Sima Ellimas

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