Dear Single Lady,
I advise you don’t marry a Ghanaian man.
Marriage is really an important stage in the journey of life everyone is passing through. But fortunately, or maybe, unfortunately, not everyone will marry or should marry.
Marriage in the African setting, precisely Ghana, benefits the man (husband) more than the woman (wife). Don’t roll your eyes just yet as this may not necessarily be happening in all marriages. Here’s the deal; in our part of the world where patriarchy is a side dish in homes, the disadvantages are stupendous.
We live in an era where there is a high probability of getting married to the wrong person; one where incompatibility can be very catastrophic to you, your family, health, career and everything.
What I have noticed from our culture is that most of our men are untrained for marriage. Women are constantly bombarded with principles on how to be good wives while men are left off the hook; men are usually unschooled in common household chores like sweeping, cooking, cleaning, scrubbing just to mention few. But a woman would be reminded to learn how to catch an elephant because her future husband could be a lover of elephant meat. “Can you imagine?” Personally, cooking, washing of clothes and dishes, sweeping should be a skill everyone should know.
Root Causes aside the Ghanaian Man factor
The home failed in teaching us this. School was our only hope to get this message across but it also failed us drastically; I quiet remember in my primary school days when girls were punished for not cleaning the compound; we (boys) sat at our desks to enjoy the view of dangling female buttocks being lashed. This act could only make most of us, if not all, misogynistic.
We were psyched at home and school to think sweeping is for girls. I remember one day my mother asked I take our trash to the refuse dump. My elder sister stopped me midway through my journey because some women had gone home to insult my mother for making a boy carry trash; I was told it was a taboo. Having witnessed this, do you think I will ever try going to the refuse dump again? Big no!
Both men and women need an equal prerequisite for marriage and not just the woman alone. Women are humans too;
Can I get an Amen?
Related: My Story: Unemployment In Ghana
Let me shock you more…
it’s mostly the women who get relationships and marriages going even when there’s no iota of love and peace. Let me break it down.
Fearing the disgrace to womanhood branding, many women endure marriages that ended years ago. A woman will nowadays choose to stay in an abusive marriage; stay married to a drunkard or a womanizer because divorce isn’t an option. Can you blame them? It is this same society (women in particular) who stigmatize wives who leave their marriages.
Let me bore you with more facts about why single ladies don’t need to marry a Ghanaian man. In Ghana, and Africa as a whole, a man can have as many children, as he desires, and still get to be with the woman of his dreams. Ironically, a single mother with just a child will go through hell just to get even a JHS leaver to settle with. When you think about these things, you really wonder if marriage is worth all these troubles (as a woman).
Stop the Abuse
in Ghana, when women delay in getting married by a certain age, then there’s trouble; they would usually endure mockery in public transport, social events, etc. As to whether marriage is part of their dreams or not is ignored. This has forced a lot of women to marrying the wrong men (argue with your phone… lol).
When couples are unable to have a baby, it is mostly the women who are blamed or labelled barren; regardless of medical evidence (whether you like it or not), society purports that such women had had series of abortions in their youth. I don’t know why we were made to believe that men cannot have fertility problems. Funny enough, both the man or woman may not have been the cause. The couple may be genetically incompatible but the woman would have to endure all the negativity that comes with this issue.
Forgive my straying beyond the Ghanaian man initial thoughts.
Dear Single Lady, Date A Correct Ghanaian Man
That said, you can still go ahead and give marriage a try despite the fact that this journey isn’t for everyone; not all men are misogynistic and chauvinistic.
You can meet a man who wouldn’t rub shoulders with you in all aspect of the marriage and life as a whole. You can meet a man who wouldn’t be insecure about your higher academic laurels, and career growth. It’s possible to meet a Ghanaian man who wouldn’t want you to stop work to take care of the home; you can meet one who will help you build your dreams and wouldn’t have self-esteem issues if you earn more salary than he does.
One thing people should understand is that marriage isn’t for everyone; if we come to accept this fact without hustle, the divorce rate will reduce drastically; adultery will also be a thing of the past because people will marry whom they want to marry, how they want to marry and most importantly when they want to marry. I wish you all the best as you look for your life partner.
Single Lady story by Kwame Boakye Yiadom Jr
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